How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a woman, a man and a child. Psychologists' advice
How to raise self-esteem and love yourself? How to gain self-confidence and believe in yourself? What self-esteem tips and tricks really work?
Greetings, dear readers! With you Denis Kuderin.
It has long been proven by scientists that self-esteem is one of the most important factors in achieving success in life and a sense of self-confidence.
Low self-esteem leads to poverty, depression and a sense of the meaninglessness of one's own existence.
If you or your friends are faced with this problem, then today I will share with you effective ways to resolve it, which helped me personally.
All the techniques and techniques described in the article are recommended by leading psychologists and simply successful people who apply them every day in their own lives.
Using them in practice, you can not only become more confident, but in the end even increase your income and even start a business.
Let's start, friends!
1. What is self-esteem: definition and its impact on our lives
To achieve success in any area of his activity, a person needs to be self-confident and be able to convince others of his rightness.
People with low self-esteem cannot be happy by definition: their entire existence consists of doubts, disappointments and introspection. Meanwhile, a bright, eventful life passes by, reaching those who do not doubt their own rightness and confidently walk towards their goal.
A person with low self-esteem considers himself unworthy of happiness, therefore, subconsciously inferior in everything to others. To change the situation in your favor, you need to change yourself - there is no other way.
In this article, I will tell you why a person's self-esteem is so important, what reasons affect its decline, and how to increase self-esteem for a man, woman (girl), teenager with the most effective methods.
Self-esteem- this is an individual's idea of the importance of his personality in relation to other people and an assessment of his own qualities - advantages and disadvantages.
Self-esteem is extremely important for the full functioning of the individual in society and the achievement of various life goals - success, self-realization, family happiness, spiritual and material well-being.
Self-assessment features
The self-assessment functions are as follows:
- Protective- provides stability and relative independence of the individual from the opinions of others;
- Regulatory- enables a person to solve problems of personal choice;
- Educational- provides an impetus to personal development.
Of decisive importance in the early formation of self-esteem is the assessment of our personality by others - in particular, parents, peers, friends. Ideally, self-esteem should be based only on the individual's own opinion of himself, but in reality it is influenced by many different factors.
Self-esteem is the attitude of a person to himself: to his capabilities, physical and spiritual qualities. An adequate assessment of one's own capabilities helps to avoid mistakes and at the same time is an incentive for further development.
Psychologists believe that ideal self-esteem is the most accurate assessment of a person's abilities.
Low self-esteem makes a person doubt, think and make wrong decisions, and too high self-esteem leads to making a lot of mistakes.
In most cases, we are dealing with a person's underestimation of his capabilities, which is why a person is not able to fully reveal his potential and does not understand how to increase self-esteem.
A well-known coach in the field of the psychology of success believes that low self-esteem is the main reason for a person’s financial insolvency. After all, if you treat yourself badly, you do not have confidence in your abilities, then you are doomed to be poor, but oh own business you don't even have to dream.
On the contrary, an increase in self-esteem leads to an increase in your income and earning more money. So if you have financial problems, be sure to look for the cause in your emotional state.
An inferiority complex is a pathological manifestation of low self-esteem.
It is self-esteem that is the key to achieving success in any sphere of human activity. Self-confidence leads to the adoption of important and timely decisions, and underestimation of one's strengths reduces the level of a person's personal energy, makes him constantly doubt himself and, instead of actions, think about action.
2. Why it's important to love yourself and what happens if you don't
To increase self-esteem means to love yourself: to accept yourself as you are with all the flaws and flaws. Everyone has disadvantages: a self-confident person differs from an ever-doubting and insecure person in that he sees in himself not only shortcomings, but also advantages, and at the same time knows how to present himself favorably to others.
If you don't love yourself, how can others love you? It is known that consciously and subconsciously people strive for contact and communication with self-confident individuals. It is these individuals who are most often chosen as business partners, friends and husbands (or wives).
If you doubt yourself and reproach yourself for every little thing, you automatically program yourself for further failures and make the decision-making process more and more difficult. Learn to praise yourself, forgive yourself and love yourself - you will see how the attitude of others around you will change.
Signs of low (-) self-esteem
A person with low self-esteem usually manifests such qualities as:
- excessive self-criticism and dissatisfaction with oneself;
- increased sensitivity to criticism and the opinions of others;
- constant indecision and fear of making a mistake;
- pathological jealousy;
- envy of the success of others;
- a passionate desire to please;
- hostility towards others;
- constant defensive position and the need to justify one's actions;
- pessimism, negative outlook.
An individual with low self-esteem perceives temporary difficulties and failures as permanent and draws the wrong conclusions. The worse we treat ourselves, the more negatively others treat us: this leads to alienation, depression and other psycho-emotional disorders.
3. High self-esteem and self-confidence is an important factor in achieving success
Before I talk about ways to increase self-esteem, I want to emphasize the importance of self-love for success and well-being. For some reason, it is believed that selfishness is a sin, or at least something that should be avoided.
In fact, the lack of love and respect for one's own personality just gives rise to numerous complexes and internal conflicts.
If a person has a low opinion of himself, it is unlikely that others will think differently. And vice versa - self-confident people are usually highly appreciated by others: they listen to their opinion, they strive to communicate and cooperate with them. By learning to respect ourselves, we will gain the respect of others, and we will also learn to adequately relate to the opinions of others about us.
Signs of high (+) self-esteem
People with healthy, high self-esteem have the following benefits:
- accept their physical appearance as it is;
- self-confident;
- not afraid to make mistakes and learn from them;
- calmly perceive criticism and compliments;
- know how to communicate, do not feel shy when communicating with strangers;
- respect the opinions of others, but also value their own view of things;
- take care of their physical and emotional well-being;
- develop harmoniously;
- achieve success in their endeavors.
Self-confidence and self-respect are as necessary factors for success and happiness as the sun and water are for a plant: personal growth is impossible without them. Low self-esteem deprives a person of perspective and hope for change.
4. Low self-esteem - top 5 reasons
There are a great many factors that directly or indirectly affect our attitude towards ourselves. These are genetic features, and external data, and social status, and marital status. Below we look at 5 of the most common causes of low self-esteem.
Reason 1. Wrong upbringing in the family
Our attitude towards ourselves directly depends on the right upbringing. If our parents did not encourage us, but on the contrary, scolded us and constantly compared us with others, we simply will not have a reason to love ourselves - there will be no soil on which faith in our abilities will be based.
A decrease in self-esteem and a lack of confidence in one's own words and actions are influenced by parents' criticism of any initiatives, undertakings and actions. Even as an adult, a person who was constantly criticized as a child subconsciously continues to be afraid of mistakes.
Parents (teachers, coaches) should know how to increase the self-esteem of a child who suffers from self-doubt and self-doubt.
The best way is praise, unobtrusive encouragement. It is enough to sincerely praise the kid several times for a correctly completed school assignment, a carefully drawn drawing, and his self-esteem will inevitably increase.
Psychologists say that the family is the center of the world for the child: it is there that all the future characteristics of an adult personality are laid. Passivity, lethargy, insecurity, others negative qualities- a direct reflection of parental suggestions and attitudes.
Usually, self-esteem is higher in single children and those who were born first. Other children often develop a "little brother complex" where parents constantly compare the younger child to the older one.
An ideal family for adequate self-esteem is one in which the mother is always calm in a good mood, and the father is demanding, fair and has unquestioned authority.
Reason 2. Frequent failures in childhood
No one is immune from failures, the main thing is our attitude towards them. A severe traumatic event can affect the psyche in the form of a guilt complex and a decrease in self-esteem. For example, some children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents or their frequent quarrels: in the future, guilt is transformed into constant doubt and inability to make a decision.
In childhood, completely harmless events acquire cosmic proportions. For example, taking second, and not first place in a competition, an adult athlete will sigh and continue training with a vengeance, and a child can get psychologically traumatized for life, especially if the parents do not show proper understanding of the situation.
What feeds on low self-esteem in childhood? Failures, mistakes, ridicule of peers, careless remarks of adults (parents in the first place). As a result, a teenager develops an opinion that he is bad, unlucky, defective, and a false sense of guilt appears for his actions.
Reason 3. Lack of clear goals in life
If you have nothing to strive for in life, you do not need to strain and make strong-willed efforts. Lack of clear goals, laziness, following standard philistine imperatives is easy and does not require the manifestation of personal qualities. Such a person does not plan to become successful and rich, he is passive in nature.
Often, people with low self-esteem live on autopilot, half-heartedly. They are satisfied with gray tones, an inconspicuous lifestyle, the absence of bright colors - there is no desire to get out of the swamp. Such people stop paying attention to their own appearance, income, stop dreaming and strive for change. Naturally, self-esteem in such a situation is not just low, but absent altogether.
Growing up, a person becomes passive, and then he transfers all these problems to his family when he marries (marries).
Here the conclusion suggests itself: it is also necessary to increase self-esteem for a man and a woman, that is, an adult, just like a child. After all, everything starts from childhood, and then nothing changes if an adult does not make efforts for this.
Reason 4. Unhealthy social environment
If you are surrounded by people without specific goals in life, who are in constant spiritual suspended animation, it is unlikely that you will have a desire for internal transformations.
High self-esteem and ambitions appear where there are role models - if all your friends and acquaintances are used to living in the shadows, without showing initiative, then you, most likely, will be completely satisfied with such an existence.
If you notice that in your environment everyone is pathologically accustomed to complaining about life, gossiping, judging others and philosophizing excessively for no reason - it’s worth considering, are you on the way with these people?
After all, such people can become energy vampires for you and prevent you from awakening your true potential.
If you feel that such a trend is taking place, change this environment or at least limit communication with it.
It is best to communicate with those people who are already successful, have their own business and know how to make money. We have already written earlier on the topic, we recommend that you read this article.
Reason 5. Defects in appearance and health
Low self-esteem often occurs in children with physical defects or congenital diseases.
Even if parents behave correctly towards such a child, the social environment can significantly influence him - first of all, the opinion of peers.
A typical example is overweight children who kindergarten or at school they give offensive nicknames. Low self-esteem in such cases is practically ensured if appropriate measures are not taken.
In this case, it is worth trying to eliminate the existing shortcomings, and if this is not possible, then you need to start developing other qualities in yourself that will make the person (child) more developed, charismatic and self-confident.
Example
If a child is overweight and has a corresponding unattractive appearance, then with the right approach to the development of his abilities and talents, this disadvantage can be turned into an advantage.
Perhaps he will show abilities for sports (weightlifting or wrestling, or boxing), or vice versa, he will be able to become a sought-after actor with his inherent type.
In general, there are thousands of examples where people with huge physical disabilities have achieved worldwide recognition, created happy families and at the same time live the life that the "healthy" can only dream of.
The most striking example of this is the world famous speaker and preacher. Nick was born no arms and no legs , naturally experienced a huge inferiority complex and even wanted to commit suicide.
But, thanks to his willpower and desire to live, he achieved public recognition and helped thousands of people around the world find themselves and cope with psychological difficulties.
Now Nick is a dollar millionaire and a favorite of thousands of people, because he helped them change their lives. By working on your self-esteem, you can achieve unprecedented heights and even repeat the success of Nick Vujicic, despite the fact that now your condition may not be the best.
And we already wrote about how rich people think and what it takes to become a millionaire.
5. How to Boost Self-Esteem and Confidence - 7 Powerful Ways
How to raise self-esteem and love yourself? There are many ways to make yourself believe in your own strength, but I have chosen seven of the most reliable and effective options.
Method 1. Change of environment and communication with successful people
Since man is a social being, he is completely dependent on his environment. How to believe in yourself and increase self-esteem with the help of other people? Very simple - you need to change your environment.
I already wrote above that communication with lack of initiative, lethargic and lazy people without ambition and desire for change is a direct way to lower self-esteem and lack of life motivation.
If you radically change your social circle and begin to contact successful, purposeful, self-confident people, you will almost immediately feel how you are changing for the better. Gradually, self-respect, self-love and all those qualities, without which it is impossible to achieve success, will return to you.
By communicating with successful and prosperous people, you will learn to appreciate individuality (including your own), begin to treat personal time in a different way, gain a goal and begin to achieve success on your own.
Method 2. Attending events, trainings, seminars
In any city, events, trainings or seminars are held, where specialists teach everyone who wants self-confidence and self-esteem.
Experts in applied psychology in a few months will be able to make a strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person out of a timid, indecisive individual: the main thing is to have an initial impulse and desire for change.
There are many competent books that describe in detail, with examples and explanations, the need for love and respect for yourself: if you want changes, acquaintance with such literature will be very productive.
Particularly relevant to boosting women's self-esteem are Helen Andelin's The Allure of the Feminine and Louise Hay's Heal Your Life.
It is also useful to watch video content on this topic - documentaries and feature films that help increase self-esteem.
Method 3. Getting out of the "comfort zone" - performing unusual actions
The desire of a person to get away from problems in the zone of personal comfort is quite understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to console yourself with sweets, alcohol, savoring your own impotence. It is much more difficult to face the challenge and do something that is out of character for us.
At first, it may seem that outside the comfort zone is a hostile and inhospitable world, but then the understanding will come that real life, full of beauty, adventure and positive emotions, is exactly where you have not been before.
Staying in habitual conditions is like living in an invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave simply because you are used to it. By learning to leave your "comfort zone" and at the same time remain calm, collected and balanced, you will gain a powerful incentive to raise your self-esteem and form your new image.
You can start small - for example, stop sitting in front of the TV after work, and buy a subscription to the gym, go jogging, yoga, meditation.
Set a task - to learn an unfamiliar language in six months or to meet a girl you like tonight. Do not be afraid if the first time you do not succeed - but new sensations and increased self-esteem are guaranteed.
Method 4. Refusal of excessive self-criticism
Stopping self-flagellation, blaming yourself and "eating" for mistakes, flaws in appearance, failures in personal life, you will achieve several goals at once:
- Release great amount energy. You will not have to pay attention to self-blame, and there will be time for other, more creative and worthy tasks;
- Learn to accept yourself the way you are. You are the one and only person on this planet. So why compare yourself to others? It is better to focus on achieving your own goals according to your potential and your idea of happiness;
- learn to see positive features your personality. Instead of dwelling on the negative, purposefully find your strengths and work on developing them.
In the end, any failures, disappointments and mistakes can be turned to your advantage by using it as a life experience.
Method 5. Playing sports and maintaining a healthy lifestyle
In the course of experiments conducted by European scientists, it was found that one of the simplest and most effective ways increase self-esteem - take part in sports, physical education or activities aimed at improving health and well-being.
A healthy body is a receptacle for a healthy spirit and right thoughts, and vice versa: it is difficult for a person who is heavy on his feet, with an untrained body, to make decisions and act independently.
Having started playing sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and treat himself more respectfully. At the same time, the increase in self-esteem does not depend on the results of training: even if the changes are minor, the process of training itself is important.
The more actively you train, the better you begin to relate to yourself.
Any physical activity (especially for a person working in an office) is an opportunity to gain confidence and love yourself. There is a completely scientific explanation for this phenomenon: during sports, a person intensively produces dopamines - neurotransmitters responsible for encouragement (in bypass they are sometimes called "hormones of joy").
Biochemical changes have a positive effect on the psyche and increase our self-esteem.
Method 6. Listening to affirmations
Affirmations are one of the most effective ways to reprogram your own mind. In psychology, affirmations are short verbal formulas that, when repeated many times, create a positive attitude in the human subconscious. In the future, this attitude contributes to a change in character traits and personality in the direction of improvement.
Affirmations are always formulated as a fait accompli, which makes a person take them for granted and think accordingly. If our subconscious considers us self-confident, successful and purposeful, then gradually we really become so.
Typical examples of self-esteem affirmations are: “I am the master of my life”, “I can have everything I want”, “I believe in myself, so everything comes to me freely and without effort.” These linguistic formulas can be repeated independently or listened to in the player: the main thing in this practice is regularity.
Read these phrases into the microphone, recording a track of several minutes from them and listen to free time. This technology is recommended by Western psychologists and has proven to be highly effective.
Method 7. Keeping a diary of successes and achievements
A diary of your own victories and achievements will help raise self-esteem for teenagers, men and women.
Start such a diary right now and write down everything that you managed to achieve in a day (week, month). A success diary is a powerful stimulating tool that will make you believe in yourself and allow you to multiply your own efficiency.
Every day, write down any of your victories, even small ones.
All these "little things" are related to your personal successes, be sure to write them down in your success diary and read it regularly.
If you write down only 5 simple things a day, then in a month it will already be 150 of your achievements!
Not so little for one month, agree?!
In one of our articles, it was written that keeping a diary of success can be the first step towards this.
6. Dependence on public opinion - a factor that destroys the personality: we defeat self-doubt
Public opinion can ruin our lives if given too much importance.
Constructive criticism pointing out specific mistakes is useful and helps in development, but completely depending on the opinions of others is a big mistake.
Learn to value your own opinion and your own view of things, then the words of others will cease to be so important to you. If you, when performing any actions, think first of all about what people will say, how they will look at you, then you are unlikely to succeed in your endeavors.
Let public opinion depend on you, not you on it. Embody your own will and think less about the consequences.
How to become more confident - practical exercises
- "Your own clown." Preparation: you dress ridiculously, for example, in curlers, a huge tie, funny clothes. Then go out, go shopping, generally act like it's your everyday look. Naturally, you will feel discomfort in this form. But at the same time, your psychological threshold for critical perception of you by others will decrease;
- "Speaker for Life" Try to speak in public as often as possible. If at work the boss asks someone to prepare a presentation, organize an event or go on a business trip with an important report - take the initiative and take on these functions. If you have fear public speaking, then ways to overcome it have already been described in .
Both of these exercises involve getting out of your comfort zone. Our brain begins to think that this behavior is normal for us and these things no longer cause such stress as before. Remember The best way get rid of fear - do what you are afraid of!
7. How to find yourself and learn how to manage your self-esteem - 5 important tips
And now 5 short tips for managing self-esteem:
- Stop comparing yourself to others;
- Stop scolding and criticizing yourself;
- Hang out with positive people;
- Do what you enjoy;
- Take action, don't think about action!
Remember that you are a unique person with great potential and unlimited possibilities. Increasing self-esteem is one way to develop your abilities to the fullest.
8. Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today
My self-assessment test consists of a few simple questions that you only need to answer "YES" or "NO". When you do this, count the number of positive and negative responses.
- Do you often scold yourself for mistakes (yes / no);
- Do you like to gossip with your girlfriends (friends) and discuss common acquaintances (yes/no);
- You do not have clear goals and you do not plan your life (yes / no);
- You are not involved in physical education and sports (yes / no);
- Do you like to worry about trifles (yes / no);
- Once in an unfamiliar company, you prefer to remain "in the shadows" (yes / no);
- When meeting with the opposite sex, you cannot keep up the conversation (yes / no);
- When you are criticized, does it make you depressed (yes/no);
- You like to criticize people and often envy other people's success (yes / no);
- It is easy to offend you with a careless word (yes / no).
The key to the self-assessment test:
Answers "Yes" from 1 to 3: congratulations, you have normal self-esteem.
Answers "Yes" - more than 3: you understated How to make money for a student on the Internet - 7 sure ways + a story from the life of a simple 14-year-old schoolgirl who earns 10,000 rubles / month. on writing texts
The only way to realize who you are is to find what suits you.
Talking about relationship problems reduces the fear of abandonment.
You are always trying to guess what the norm is. It is important for people with low self-esteem to know and understand that the concept of "normality" does not exist. It is more effective to ask yourself the question: what is really important to you? What is important to your family? The challenge isn't to guess what's normal for you, but to figure out what works best for you and your loved ones.
The first step in overcoming any bad habit is to recognize it. Just watch yourself. Instead of engaging in self-judgment, try to get to know yourself by analyzing how you behave. When a person begins to look at himself honestly and without judgment, can separate himself from his behavior, he is able to change, develop and grow.
Feelings can't be right or wrong, they just are. If we consider our feeling wrong, then guilt is added to it, and this makes the situation even worse. The anger you feel is real. If you decide that it is wrong to feel angry and that you should be compassionate instead, it will not help you. You cannot substitute one feeling for another.
It is impossible to completely overcome the feeling of loneliness, but there are ways to reduce it. First of all, you need to take the risk of opening up to others. The best way to get what you need is to start doing it yourself. If you want to be loved, first offer your love to other people. This is a risk - to be misunderstood, abandoned. But by avoiding risk, you doom yourself to loneliness. If you decide to take a risk, you have the opportunity to change. It's not enough to try once. Make a promise to yourself that every day you will have a little bit of communication with other people.
There is a good group exercise that shows that self-criticism is always very subjective. Participants sit in a circle, the task is to free themselves, in whole or in part, from those qualities that they no longer want to possess.
If someone likes the rejected qualities, he or she can appropriate them. Usually one participant says that he wants to get rid of his procrastination, and this quality does not have time to reach the center of the circle, as the other already says that he would like to take it, because, on the contrary, he is hyperactive. Someone else says, “I want to get rid of my guilt,” and immediately gets the answer: “I need some of your guilt. I feel too selfish."
This exercise demonstrates that our traits need to be studied. To what extent are they useful to us? How much do they interfere? Obviously, judging yourself and your shortcomings is not helpful. When you choose to be yourself, you get a lot more options.
Acute reaction to a minor event - for example, friends cancel a meeting at last minute- usually associated with our past. Something similar has happened before - once or many times, usually in childhood. The first thing you should do is to clearly define when you start to overreact. How appropriate is your response to the circumstances? Is it worth it to react so sharply?
If these questions make you feel defensive, then you are indeed overreacting to the situation. The first step towards overcoming such reactions is to recognize their essence and understand what in your past caused them.
Another way is to consciously change your habits. Ask yourself how attached you are to your usual plans. Can you go home another way? Or go to the store on Wednesday instead of Thursday as usual? Can you change your plans without disorienting yourself? This is your chance to become more flexible. Flexibility in one area makes it possible to develop flexibility in other areas.
Analyze what kind of people are present in your life and what is the essence of your relationship with them. Do you receive from others as much as you give to them? To what extent are these people stronger or weaker than you? Perhaps if you objectively evaluate your environment, you will see that you give people more than you receive from them. Then you will have to change your social circle and maintain relationships only with those people who are capable of symmetrical relationships.
Perhaps this is because you yourself do not allow others to do something for you. You consider yourself strong enough to take care of yourself, but you should allow other people to participate in your life.
If you say to yourself day after day, “Why am I staying with this person? Why can't I give it all up?" - It is worth analyzing your relationships. People who do not deserve our loyalty are often very critical of us. They often talk about what is wrong with us. Be careful when you hear this - who is the person really talking about? Do these statements really apply to you, or is this person projecting their own shortcomings onto you?
Pain, sadness or anger can only belong to the one who experiences it. These feelings should not become yours, you can only show empathy and compassion. You may have been dragged into an unhealthy relationship by playing on guilt. If you are easily manipulated based on this feeling, you start to think that you owe the other person something. “He was kind to me. He took care of me." Feeling guilty or indebted for these reasons is wrong. You don't owe people anything for supporting you. You are self-worth. If you feel responsible for being supported, you are saying, "I'm worthless."
You will gain self-confidence if you can solve the tasks that you have set for yourself. Tasks can be simple or complex, but you need to be sure that they are achievable. Not always everything works out. If something worked out - it's great and did not happen by chance, you deserve your success. Reward yourself for completed tasks. Always remember the things that you are good at. Don't ignore them. Use them as a foundation to become a whole person. If you didn’t succeed, you need to get out of this situation and try something new. It shouldn't devastate you.
about the author
Janet Voititz(1939-1994) was the first in the 80s to study the problems of children and relatives of alcoholics. The impetus was her husband's alcoholism. Woititz found that children of alcoholics and children who grew up in single-parent families, as well as families where one or both parents suffered from addictions and phobias, as a rule, grow up with low self-esteem and experience great difficulties in communicating with other people. Her book, Adult Children of Alcoholics, became a bestseller and helped launch a movement that has grown worldwide.
Unfortunately, there are no pills for happiness. It takes work to get it. Only a wise and self-confident person receives happiness as a reward. If you have low self-esteem, then it will be difficult for you to earn recognition from other people, achieve success in your work and find your soulmate. When a person values himself, he is able to move mountains! This article is about human self-esteem and happiness.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is, first of all, your real perception of your place in the world and what is happening to you. Many people are wondering how to increase it. You will not find a definite answer to this question anywhere. It is important to understand yourself, to give an adequate assessment of your own actions, successes and abilities. If you don't believe in yourself, you will never achieve anything. Low self-esteem is always the opposite of happiness.
It should be said that sooner or later every person has to evaluate other people. For example, their behavior, mannerisms or appearance. The criteria of the ideal were laid down in our creation from the very early childhood. The result allows us to understand how we feel about a particular person or thing in reality. After the creation has formed an impression, it complements the finished image with new details. That is why they say that the first acquaintance is the most important. Our personal self-esteem is shaped by many factors. The opinion of the people is the main one. In the same way that we evaluate, we are also evaluated.
How to increase self-esteem and why do it?
Have you ever wondered why some people are more lucky than others? Everything that happens to you is in your head. Success comes only to those who really really want it. Our beliefs and thoughts are the foundation on which all life is built. If you do not understand this, you will not be able to become more successful and happier.
There are people who, on a subconscious level, do not allow themselves to succeed in their lives. Beliefs and thoughts create a block. They also often think that they are entitled to much more than they already have. They list why they deserve it, and then they begin to accuse themselves of imperfection. Different thoughts begin to come into their heads, they say, they need to work harder, be in the right place at the right time, etc. It is such judgments that form low self-esteem. We need to live here and now, rejoicing in every moment lived. Drive away negative thoughts, otherwise they will eat you.
Let's take small children as an example. They never feel bad about themselves. This understanding is inherent in nature. Over the years, a person acquires complexes, self-doubt and low self-esteem. It prevents you from getting what you want. One has only to set a clear goal and believe in yourself, as life will improve by itself. You will have successful coincidences, pleasant events and happy meetings. Self love is the key to happiness.
Thoughts and deeds
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? The answer is simple. You just have to enjoy life for no reason. When you wake up in the morning, smile at yourself in the mirror. When we gain confidence, we become lighter, more beautiful, more attractive and more interesting to the people around us. Do not communicate with those who envy you or wish harm. It will not bring you the happiness you seek. Push away fears and concerns. Just act! Do not think that people or circumstances are to blame for failures. All this is not true - we create life with my own hands and choose your own friends.
Self-esteem in children
Many people ask about how to increase a child's self-esteem. You should always praise him. Although the baby does not have complexes at birth, they may appear over time. In adolescence, the worst qualities begin to appear. Let's see why this happens?
The fact is that a person forms an opinion about himself in accordance with what he hears and sees in his environment and in his family. We live in a world of standards. Many parents call their children "leaky head", "bludgeon", "clumsy", considering these nicknames are quite harmless. Over time, they form a child's low self-esteem. He shows less initiative, becomes unsure of his abilities and tries to avoid serious tasks. Children who are constantly scolded by their parents rarely succeed. Do not forget that the recognition of others and personal success depend on self-confidence. It is very important to learn in time how to increase the child's self-esteem. It is necessary to trust him with difficult tasks, and after completing them, praise and reward him. There are different children. For some, public approval is very important.
Since self-esteem is formed in childhood, it is the parents who lay the foundation for it. If you constantly scold your child, he will grow up unhappy due to lack of parental love. At school, teachers constantly say that thinking about yourself is bad, selfish. What the child hears from others is perceived by him literally. Peers are also often cruel. Personal qualities are ridiculed and blamed for shortcomings. As a result, the bar of the child falls so much that in adolescence he cannot fully realize himself. Moreover, he feels unhappy and lost. In this case, parents need to think hard about how to increase the self-esteem of a teenager. His merits should be constantly noted and encouraged. It is also important to praise your child simply for what he is.
But do not rely on the fact that low self-esteem arises solely through the fault of parents or other people. Failures, depressions, stresses can suppress confidence even in an adult. successful person. Not everyone is able to adequately assess their actions, achievements, character traits and skills. Agree that parting with a loved one, dismissal, financial crisis, death loved one can lead to low self-esteem. The result is that the insecure person considers himself unworthy of all good things. It doesn't matter to him if others think so. In his own eyes, he looks like a failure, even if others consider him successful.
There are three types of self-esteem:
- Adequate. Everyone should strive for it. A person with such self-esteem sees only positive qualities in himself and other people, not noticing shortcomings and weaknesses.
- Overpriced. People see in themselves exceptionally strong sides of character, completely cutting off shortcomings. Such self-conceit leads to the fact that others seem worse to them. Arrogance is a natural problem in dealing with others.
- Underestimated. A person considers himself inferior to others. He thinks that he is not worthy of privileges and bonuses at work, that he does not deserve the good attitude of his colleagues, relatives, friends, family. This condition is often accompanied by feelings of guilt. That is why the most common advice from a psychologist on how to increase self-esteem is to love and accept yourself with all the shortcomings. Trust me it works.
This is very difficult to do. That is why we will outline certain methods that will help a person understand himself and adequately evaluate his actions.
- Take a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Write on it your achievements, starting from childhood. Here you can write that you did exercises, met a nice person, fell in love or found Good work. Write everything that you consider your personal victories. It is important not only to make a list, but also to regularly replenish it. This will give you an additional incentive to perform every day, albeit small, but feats. This way you can see your strengths. Thanks to this method, you will no longer wonder how to increase self-esteem. Personal psychology says that this system really works. If you don't believe me, try it and see for yourself.
- It is very important to motivate yourself. As we said earlier, the main cause of low self-esteem are failures, stressful situations, depression and inattention of others. In general, a negative perception of yourself or the events happening to you. Allow yourself to relax and let go of the situation. Light meditation will allow you to forget about all the problems that bother you for at least five minutes. Take up yoga. It will help you look inside yourself and remove blocks.
- Find some passion or hobby for yourself where you can achieve success. Do some strength training at the gym or do some painting. The main thing is that this activity brings inner satisfaction to you.
- The last piece of advice on how to boost a person's self-esteem is to make a list of all positive qualities (at least 20) and hang it on the refrigerator. Every time you feel sad, you will look at the list of your successes. This will help you love yourself, at least a third.
Yet the main answer to the question of how to increase self-esteem is that in no case should you compare yourself with other people. Don't look at a neighbor who married an oligarch, or a classmate who got a high position in the largest clinic in the city. All this has nothing to do with you. Understand that these people have their own lives, with their own problems. It is possible that they are unhappy. And yet, you should constantly remind yourself that in this world there are a huge number of people who have achieved more than you, but no less than those who have nothing compared to you. All people are very different. Look around: perhaps someone is looking at you with enthusiastic eyes, wanting to live your life that you do not appreciate.
How can a woman gain self-confidence?
Many women cannot arrange their personal lives. Psychologists believe that the reason for this is self-doubt. For them, there are also tips on how to increase self-esteem and love yourself. To begin with, it should be said that women are more emotional than males. That is why they tend to complex because of their shortcomings. In addition, women are more suggestible and trusting. Prone to resentment and depression. It should be noted that there are many ways to raise your self-esteem, applicable exclusively to the female sex. Nothing lifts your mood like a trip to your favorite store, a beautiful haircut or a new dress. For the fair sex, it is enough to understand that she is beautiful, and then the whole world will fall at her feet. Life will acquire colors, and love will blossom.
Dear ladies, remember: in order to please men, you must love yourself. For this you need a little. Go to a beauty salon and a party. Come off to the fullest, throw out all your emotions. Sign up for a dance group, fitness class, or yoga class. There you will be able to take a fresh look at yourself and your body, notice in yourself what you did not notice before. Sports help relieve stress, and physical activity improves mood. Do not forget that you will also get a beautiful figure if you attend classes regularly, and this is important.
Sometimes men wonder how to increase a woman's self-esteem. They can only be advised one thing: to compliment their beloved more often. It is very important. A woman should feel desired and loved. Only then can she feel truly happy. If a man wants his beloved to feel comfortable, he should give nice gifts from time to time, for example, a subscription to a fitness club, spa treatments or massages. Now men know how to increase a girl's self-esteem. Once you start paying attention to your loved one, she will change. And as a token of gratitude, he will do whatever you wish.
How to gain self-confidence after a breakup or divorce?
For a woman, a divorce from a man or parting with a loved one never goes unnoticed. Family life is very important for both parties, it cannot be simply taken and crossed out. Scars remain in the soul that heal for a long time. Women are more susceptible to divorce. From an early age, girls were laid the idea that they are the keepers of the hearth. That is why a broken marriage is perceived by a woman as her own fault. If the reason for the divorce was the betrayal of her husband, self-esteem falls below the baseboard. Thoughts that the opponent turned out to be better settle in my head. Actually this is not true. It's just that men are always looking for variety. There are those who need to constantly feel the taste of risk. They do not take relationships seriously, but are only looking for passion. Why do you need a man who does not respect you?
Self love is the key to happiness and success
In order to get the coveted key, you must follow a very simple technique on how to increase self-esteem after a breakup. Its main goal is introspection. Sit down and think about what worries you the most. Ask yourself specific questions that you have long dreamed of getting answers to. Then turn off your thoughts and try to hear your inner voice. Psychologists say that the answers to questions lie within ourselves. If it doesn't work the first time, don't despair, try again. Your main task is to turn off thoughts.
In order to forget a person, it is enough to forgive. It's easier than you think. Lie on the floor, stretch your legs and close your eyes. Replay in your mind the situation that you are uncomfortable with. Try to change it and mentally express what you have boiled. Then imagine that you are telling the person about your forgiveness. Always repeat to yourself that marriage is not only a fragment of life, it is a source of experience. Thank the Universe for giving you the chance to experience what you have experienced in life and overcome all difficulties. Once you get your head in order, you no longer have to watch movies and read books about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. You will simply know that for every question there is an answer that is in your soul.
Diary of success
In order to become happy, you must constantly record your achievements on paper. Write down the compliments you've received, nice meetings with friends, and how great you look today. You can write whatever you want there. Notice the nice little things. Time will pass, and you will re-read what is written with a smile and pride.
Wish card
A wish map will help answer the question of how to increase a woman's self-esteem. Take a piece of paper and paste your photo in the middle. Cut out from different magazines beautiful pictures and glue them next to your portrait. They should symbolize success, happiness, health, wealth and beauty. Hang the poster directly on the wall. Waking up in the morning, you will look at him and smile. The wish card is a model of your ideal life. After a while, dreams will come true.
How can a man become more confident?
Men also suffer from low self-esteem, however, unlike women, they do not always show it. They are not characterized by weakness and the manifestation of emotions. In order to answer the question of how to increase a man's self-esteem, you must first delve into the essence of the problem. Think about when a turning point happened in your life and what contributed to it. Assess your strengths and weaknesses. Try to look at yourself from the outside. Once you figure out what you did wrong, you can move on. Don't beat yourself up too much. Just try to soberly assess the situation. Now let's move on to specific tips and tricks on how to boost a guy's self-esteem.
What does a man need in order to become self-confident?
- Intelligence. Develop. Read more books, be interested in what is happening in the world. Hang out with smart people. A smart man always stands out from the crowd.
- Sport. Sign up for gym, take up swimming, basketball or football. The main thing is to practice regularly. As a result, you will not only get rid of depression, but also acquire a beautiful body. Just imagine how you will catch the admiring glances of women!
- Hobbies. Find a hobby where you can express yourself to the maximum. Start doing things with your own hands, like building ship models or making furniture. If you are a creative person, painting is just what you need. Don't be afraid to experiment and try something new. You ask: "How to increase a man's self-esteem with a hobby?" Very simple. Self-respect depends on the results of your work. The main thing is to do what you really like.
Observing all these points, you can easily not only raise your self-esteem, but also grow in the eyes of those around you. The main thing is not to postpone everything for tomorrow. We live here and now - remember this.
Many men feel incompetent due to the fact that in childhood they did not feel their father's shoulder. Quite often, women ask psychologists the same question: "How to increase a husband's self-esteem?" It is necessary to find him a mentor who will serve as an example. For some, this is a true friend, for others - a father. If your beloved does not have anyone who could give advice in difficult times, try to find such a person. Even a trainer in the gym can act as a mentor.
We create our own self-esteem. The main thing is to love yourself and set a goal. You will succeed!
By applying at least some of the tips and getting even a slight increase in your self-confidence and self-esteem, you will significantly make your life easier, increase your income, improve your well-being and the quality of your life in general! You can actually achieve this quite quickly and easily.
Why is it important? Or what is self-confidence?
Your success in life = Your Professionalism/Skills , multiplied by Self-confidence and self-esteem. Which means that you cannot compensate with new knowledge and professionalism for a lack of confidence and self-esteem. If you want to live better and earn more, develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Have you noticed that there are not very smart, but successful people, self-confident, perhaps arrogant, boorish, rod forward like an innocent bulldozer and, oddly enough, “for some reason”, achieve what they want?
Conversely, there are very smart, kind people, possibly from 2-3 higher education, but unsuccessful, because they are insecure and with low self-esteem? And no matter what they do, somehow everything does not work out very well, it falls out of hand. It's not about professional knowledge, besides them you still need courage, pressure, determination.
This is what it means to have or lack self-confidence and good self-esteem. You cannot compensate for them by getting another university degree or an MBA, reading another hundred books.
I know excellent, kind, beautiful people, with 3 higher educations, living in cities, who can hardly earn their own food, because they have a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Having even a small grain of self-confidence, you will be able to “move mountains” of cases. And it's really easy to implement, develop in yourself.
Tip 1: Insecurity and low self-esteem - no need to be ashamed.
We live in a very difficult time and go through several structural crises at once. We were not prepared in school for such difficult times and rapid changes. Therefore, economic crises are called depressions.
They hurt the self-esteem and self-confidence of almost all people. Even businessmen can't stand it. Stress, chronic fatigue and burnout are the main diseases that lead to heart disease, cancer and even death.
Shame - pushes the problem out of consciousness. In other words, what you are ashamed of - you try not to notice, not to talk about it and not pay attention to it. The problem will remain, only you will not notice it and will not know what you are suffering from. For example, I spent 10 years to understand what was the matter - I was ashamed. During this time, you could become dozens of times more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem. And forget about it.
Living with low self-esteem creates a risk to health and life in modern conditions. Therefore, it is vital to figure out how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Fear, shame and laziness have big eyes. Everything is much simpler than it seems, the road will be mastered by the walking one, and luck is a reward for courage.
Tip 2: Perfectionism or learn to live with self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Even many celebrities - admit that they consider themselves not very confident people. That doesn't stop them from being successful. There is no limit to perfection. There is no limit to self-confidence. The theme is natural for everyone - it's just that everyone has their own level.
Some lack the confidence and self-esteem to find a decent job. Others, in order to raise their business to a new level, earn another million, implement a grandiose project.
Uncertainty and low self-esteem will always bother you a little - this is normal. We are all living people. As soon as you reach your current goal, you will want more and again you will lack self-esteem and self-confidence for a new goal.
Learn not to give a damn about insecurities and learn to keep moving forward in a state of low self-esteem! Ideal conditions do not exist, and they are not needed. You will go through the next step and you won’t even notice how confidence and self-esteem have pulled themselves up.
Tip 3: Why most training doesn't work? The psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.
Uncertainty and low self-esteem are very deep subconscious a habit that you developed and, alas, consolidated for decades. And then, through negative experience and stress, they literally “concreted” in subconscious. We are controlled by the subconscious and habits - you need to change them first of all.
The work on changes must be carried out at two levels - at the conscious and subconscious levels. On a conscious level, for example, with the help of self-hypnosis, a quick effect is obtained, but short, and one has to constantly do self-hypnosis exercises or others. Only on a subconscious level can you develop deep changes and fix the result forever.
Most of the trainings that I have seen do not work on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence on subconscious level. Coaches just don't know how to work with the subconscious mind. Well, or they are too lazy to bother. And the practice is somehow more like self-hypnosis - self-esteem "bursts" like a soap bubble from the first difficulty.
It's much easier to create a short-term boost of confidence in one day - to quickly get great video reviews. The student will leave happy, but after 2 days, confidence and self-esteem fall below the plinth. The trainer does not care about this anymore - the feedback has been received and will be used to sell the course to other similar people.
Attempts to contact the coach again may end with a hint “that you are a fool”, “do more exercises”, pay again. This may be repeated several times. The student, having wasted money, remains in the cold and continues to soar over the same situations, but with ineffective exercises.
Tip 4: What should be the training? Secrets of the psychology of confidence and self-esteem.
A training that truly teaches how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence and leads to long-term and profound changes:
- It lasts from 1 month to form the habit of thinking in a new way, the skills to stop doubting and being afraid.
- It contains meditation exercises to form changes and consolidate the skill of “stop being afraid”, doubt at the level of consciousness and subconsciousness.
- It has exercises that let go of previous negative experiences and doubts that concrete self-esteem below the plinth.
- Improves life for literally a month, and even increase the income of the participant.
- Tips and exercises should be simple. So that even the most insecure get the result, stupidly doing the exercises. The number of exercises performed turn into quality - the skills of inner confidence and strong self-esteem are formed.
- Should not take a lot of time and a lot of effort. They just don't have modern man. Approximately 1 hour a day no more.
- "Shell" of tension- released? (“Shell” of tension - constantly tense muscles on the body on the lower back, shoulders, neck, hips, face - everyone has it, but not everyone feels it) If not, then this is not personal growth training, but nonsense, with a loss time and money. The effect will be short-term - a few days or weeks, a maximum of a month.
- Qualitatively form new behavioral skills at the subconscious level - through simple exercises.
Exercise 1: You as an asset. How to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem based on previous experience.
The title suggests the solution. People with low self-esteem and self-doubt do not value themselves, their experience, their knowledge, their past achievements, their skills. They say -
“Well, it happened by chance, I was just lucky”, “oh yes, this is nonsense.” Just remember that accidents are not accidental.
If you yourself do not appreciate yourself and your achievements, who else will appreciate you? First you learn to appreciate yourself, and then others around you will catch up.
Get a notebook that will be your "diary of success." There is something magical about keeping your diary - just by keeping a diary, you can achieve sustainable personal growth, develop the skill of analyzing situations, changing yourself, and forming the desired character traits.
Remember your past experience and life stages: work, youth, studying at a university, school in different classes.
What successes, successes, victories, awards, achievements, skills, positive personal qualities did you have? What obstacles did you overcome to get them? Write it all down with your progress in your diary.
- What did you do well?
- What did you do on your own, “did your hands do it yourself”?
- What could you do for free?
- What activities do you lose track of time?
- What got you excited?
- Why did your eyes burn in childhood or youth, and your heart began to beat in pleasant excitement?
Write down everything you remember in your notebook. Consciousness is able to displace (forget) insignificant events. And such events are clearly underestimated in you. You will need several attempts to remember everything and do not require yourself to remember everything now. Just do this exercise for a few days. When you remember something, write it down.
Exercise - Daily experience.
People tend to pay more attention to negative events and forget, belittle their dignity. It is recommended that every day, mentally go through the events of the day, remember what you did today. Remember your small daily victories that you did not notice during the day, good luck, new opportunities, qualities.
Do the exercise for several weeks or even months until you have a stable habit, a new habit of noticing and appreciating any of your small achievements, noticing even small opportunities.
You will be surprised how effective this will be for you. It is from such “small” achievements that strong self-confidence is formed, stable high self-esteem and a successful life are developed.
Exercise 2: Subconscious changes or how to gain self-confidence and raise self-esteem from deep within.
Do you have grievances, doubts? For example, I considered myself not a touchy person. But everything turned out to be exactly the opposite. I was very touchy and actually took offense even at the smallest matter. Gradually, the understanding came that this was not normal and that it was only me. Gradually began to let go of resentment.
Remember the movie "Gentlemen of Fortune"? One of the main characters was constantly offended by the other: "I tell him - I have the flu, and he: - Get into the water, get into the water!" Because of this resentment, he forgot that he was forced to climb into the water to hide that very golden helmet. Which they could not remember where they hid and find, the whole movie.
It's the same in life because of resentment, we concentrate on the bad, and lose sight of the opportunities. And over time, it hurts self-esteem.
First, I wrote down in my diary all the grievances that bothered me at the moment, and what I could remember. There were 10-30 grievances. Then he released everything on the list. Then he wrote it down again and again, and let go until he let go of everything. Now a strong skill has been formed and I need exactly a couple of seconds to let go of resentment.
How much easier it became to live and communicate with other people.
The times when I was offended - I remember with horror. Letting go of resentment is an indescribable relief. Take a diary, write down 10-30+ grievances, start letting them go from the easiest to the most difficult. With each resentment released, you can gain a drop of self-confidence and slightly raise self-esteem.
“Only the weak can be offended.
Is it possible to offend a strong, confident person with strong self-esteem? It turns out that any offense initially positions you in weakness, vulnerability, in touch. Letting go of resentment means regaining your strength, self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence that you can handle it. How nice it is to be strong from the inside and gain self-confidence and well-deserved self-esteem.
- All grievances are such trifles - complete nonsense.
Stop acting like a sissy - you are much stronger than you seem. Life can give you a beating and kicks, so what? Is it worth it to be offended on every occasion? A kick in the ass means a step forward. A kick is not as terrible as our consciousness paints it. Discomfort from some situations is greatly exaggerated by our consciousness.
And do not waste precious energy on them - offended. Start letting go of resentment, and you will see how you will become much stronger than yourself. Let go of resentment for yourself, not for someone else. You need it first. Others do not care about your grievances - they carry water on the offended. Do the exercise, get rid of resentment and “they will stop carrying water” on your back.
You will gain your strength, become self-confident with strong self-esteem.
Exercise 3: Mistakes in life or how to be self-confident, increase self-esteem and love yourself despite past experiences.
Folk wisdom says:
- no bad without good
- not flour, but science in advance
- there would be no happiness, but misfortune helped.
The list of such proverbs could go on and on. The world is so arranged that everything is known in comparison. Achievements and victories are therefore valuable, because losses can be painful. Only good things would be like butter, cloyingly sweet.
Again, we are not taught and prepared for a real and tough life. Yes it beautiful world– but it is full of dangers. Society is the same jungle with the struggle for survival, only tougher. And all life is a struggle: with sleep, with your weaknesses, with challenges, and with anything else ...
If you succeeded in something, then you received some benefit or reward. If you made a mistake and made a mistake, then you have learned a life lesson. If you want to achieve a lot in life, you need to increase the number of mistakes. Without mistakes, you cannot be successful.
Exercise: Write down the mistakes that bother you.
What lesson did you learn from this mistake? Yes, it may have been painful - accept the lesson and let go of resentment, at the situation, at yourself or others for what happened. This is a stage in life that you need to go through. Take the lesson and move on.
Everyone is wrong. But not everyone gets hung up on mistakes. Rejecting the painful "lesson" - you will attract similar situations to yourself again and again. By accepting the lesson, you return your strength, self-esteem, self-confidence that you can achieve what you want and reach a new level. By accepting the situation, you recognize that you are stronger than you thought about yourself. The way it is.
All your mistakes - dust, nonsense raised to a power - are not worth even one of your gray hairs. This is a fly turned into an elephant due to resentment. Let go and move on to new heights. This is exactly how strength, strong life skills are acquired, this is how self-confidence and iron self-esteem are forged and tempered.
Exercise 4: The roles you play. How to become a confident person and increase self-esteem.
We all play some role. For example, I played a role for a long time, a pretty guy, a shirt-guy, a cheerful perky guy. Still - it's so liked by others. Others play roles - I don't care, I don't need anything, I'm the most important, I'm cool / cool. All these roles are not yours and are imposed in the process of socialization.
Externally, they can manifest themselves in the choice of clothing, gait, gestures, facial expressions, and behavior.
Naturally, the role interferes with being yourself. By itself - to show their strength. For example, playing the role of a good guy, I could not say "no" - I'm a good guy - I was used accordingly. Playing some roles creates the illusion, security, that everything is in order.
In fact, playing a role creates a rejection of a part of yourself, naturally this leads to an underestimation of self-esteem and self-confidence. Embarrassment and embarrassment from oneself. Renouncing the role - you return yourself to yourself, find yourself, your strength, self-confidence. You allow yourself to claim what you really want in the depths of your soul!
Look into your past. What roles have you played or are you currently playing? Why do you think you are playing this role? What are you running from hiding in this role? What do you give up in yourself playing this role? What are you afraid of and hiding behind this role? Write down how you should behave in such situations in order to be yourself?
Write it down in your diary. Get yourself in the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you wrote down in your notebook. And you will become more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem at the deepest subconscious level.
Exercise 5: How to become self-confident, love yourself and increase self-esteem?
In general, there are no special differences for men or for women how to become confident in themselves, love themselves and increase self-esteem. There are male troubles, patterns of behavior, roles, weaknesses, prejudices of expectation or suppression of oneself. And there are women. Therefore, in this section we will talk about gender patterns of behavior.
Letting go of men's troubles as a way to build self-esteem and self-confidence.
For example, I had a pattern of behavior - unwillingness to cook, clean the apartment - this is not a man's business, but I'm a man! As a result, often trying to cook something, I unconsciously did something wrong, either the food burned out, or something else. It was a kind of unconscious protest that I lived alone. How would he complicate his life in order to “kick” himself for living alone.
Doing cleaning - I was very annoyed, angry with myself - this is not a man's business. Trying to jump out of your pants to make yourself a "real man". Well, and other male troubles that really interfere with life. After letting them go, for example, I realized that I really like to cook and I'm great at it.
And having accepted the fact that cleaning the apartment is a matter for both men and women, the perception has changed - I began to see in women precisely femininity, and not the cleaner of the apartment. By the way, women began to feel more comfortable next to me. And now we do the cleaning together, quickly, dividing duties and helping each other.
Letting go of women's troubles - the psychology of real femininity.
Naturally, these gender troubles interfere with life, interfere with being yourself. Similarly, there are female troubles. For example, for many women, femininity and weakness are synonymous. And in an attempt to "strengthen" their femininity, some women make themselves not just weak, but infirm.
I saw one like that - she could hardly carry a folder with documents, and at the same time she was very angry that she had to endure such a horror-horror weight of 1 kg so feminine. Well, how can a weak woman be confident or have strong self-esteem? Yes, no way. Best the enemy of the good. No one is forcing you to carry heavy things, just don't make yourself weak.
Another example of a female template is to live for others: for children, for a husband, for someone else. Which means the very suppression of oneself, the sacrifice of oneself in the name of "good" goals.
Such people are unpleasant and cause rejection, hostility. Get rid of this "tuning". Think - what female / male roles do you play? What gender pattern do you have. Why are you actually playing this role or trouble? What are you protesting against? Or what are you trying to prove? Did playing this role help you?
Discard this template - it is probably already very outdated and has become ineffective. What new behavior would be more adequate for you in the current conditions? Write it down in a diary and set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way and will no longer sweat because of these troubles.
Exercise 6: Unfinished business. Performance. Imitation of violent activity.
Unfinished business drains you of strength, health and reduces your productivity. It is impossible to deceive yourself or your subconscious - the subconscious or some inner part of yourself always knows who you really are.
If you are trying to get some new contract, customer or job, but at the same time you have a lot of unfinished business behind you, then your subconscious mind will slow you down. As if hinting - well, where do you need a new business, if you have not finished the old one yet? You won't make it. And it will start to fill you with doubts.
Unfinished situations keep you in the past and do not let you live. Incomplete relationships - interfere with personal life and are not allowed to create new relationships. Not letting go of myself the right people You don't let the right people into your life. All this lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Sometimes it's hard to let go of something or someone.
I remember I could not let go of some situation and addressed this to my teacher. He listened and asked - do I know how monkeys are caught in India? They eat there. I answered no. Hindus tie a glass jar and put a banana inside. The monkey sees a banana and sticks his hand, but the hand does not pass with the banana through the neck of the jar.
The monkey is unable to open his fist and release the banana, so he loses his life. My teacher looked at me and added - Let go of the "banana", don't be a monkey. Let go of the situation - do not waste your health and strength on it.
Do the exercise as quickly as possible: write down in your diary what unfinished business, relationships, situations do you have? Think about how you could finish them in order to free yourself? Write down your new steps in order to complete the situations. Start taking action immediately. Release those who need to be released.
You are doing this for yourself first of all, and not for someone else. Set yourself up for the future, that you will finish situations, projects, work. Stick to this new rule. Remember - you have no limits, except those. What you have created for yourself. You are the person who is holding you back the most.
Exercise 7: How self-doubt and low self-esteem affect health.
People with low self-esteem and self-doubt tend to relate to themselves, to their lives. Health is disdainful, disregard. Low self-esteem and self-doubt create a state of apathy. They discourage the desire to do something for themselves. Includes self-ignoring.
Even some revenge is possible. For example, one of my acquaintances, in moments of hopelessness, could drink, and then get behind the wheel and drive around the city “dizzy”. Well, this is her form of self-blame, self-punishment of herself for the fact that something in life does not work out. There are other forms which I will not describe.
Remember that you need to take care of your health. Neglecting your health is tantamount to neglecting yourself. If you don't value yourself, who will value you? And at the same time, appreciating yourself and your health is almost the same thing. Be sure to take care of your health - do regular exercises - it's not difficult.
In a healthy body healthy mind. A healthy mind means healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. Take care of your health and do not wait for better times - start taking care of yourself today and every day.
Exercise 8: Letting go of self-pity or how to become self-confident, love yourself and raise self-esteem.
There is such a pattern in behavior - poor baby, self-pity. Oh, the pain of self-pity. When you feel sorry for yourself, some muscles on your head tense up and cause incredible pain! Self-pity literally blocks your progress, ramming your self-confidence and self-esteem into the dirt.
Self-pity is very stressful to those around you. It's incredibly difficult to communicate with them. Therefore, people subconsciously avoid those who feel sorry for themselves, they subconsciously want to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Run away further. Surprisingly, people do not like to be miserable, but often fall into self-pity, they want to be pitied.
Which means they'll look pathetic, though logically few people can relate that. Get rid of this relic, hard times. With the help of pity, the maximum that you get is a handout in the form of a “crust of bread”. If you really want to succeed, you can't do it with handouts. Success must be taken by force, firmness, character.
By letting go of self-pity, you regain your strength, restore and strengthen your self-confidence, increase your self-esteem.
Write down in your notebook why you feel sorry for yourself? And start to paint why do you really feel sorry for yourself? Let go of pity until a strong skill is formed. Over time, you will be able to let go of pity in a few seconds. And there will be a habit to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Exercise 9: Look fear in the eye or the psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.
All people have fears and are afraid of something. Again, everyone has their own level. We need fear to survive - it is a harbinger of danger. But when emotions are added to fear, then "the fly turns into an elephant." People say fear has big eyes. Because rational in your fear is no more than 1-3 percent.
And everything else that you are afraid of is dust, nothing. The other 97% of your fear is an exaggeration. Fear binds and hinders action. What can be self-esteem if there are fears? Fear is deposited on the body - a thick layer of tension. Letting go of fear releases tension in the body.
Castaneda (the most quoted mystic of the 20th century) argued that fear is our first enemy to be conquered. But if you lose to fear, then the loss will be for life. I met a girl who lost the battle to her fear. Those. she could not let go of some fear at the right moment.
Her fear turned into paranoia. She was afraid of everything. Most of her fears were contrived by her fertile imagination. For example, she was afraid to stand with her feet on a chair 30-40 cm high. How can you let go of fear? Look deep into fear. Figure out what you're really afraid of. Write it down in detail in your diary.
Imagine what would happen if something happened that you are afraid of? Is it really as terrible as the fear makes it out to be? Do you really not survive this? Keep looking "in the face" of fear and try to understand, to feel what you are really afraid of. Write down all your thoughts.
Before my final battle with fear, I tuned in for several hours.
I was shaking with fear, like a perch in the wind. But I gathered my courage, mentally tuned in, prepared to look him in the face - to sort out this fear. Everything turned out to be so banal. It was some kind of utter nonsense, which he himself came up with.
Let go and feel better. As if a great weight had fallen off the shoulders - the muscles of the shoulders and near the neck relaxed. Then I let go of many more fears. How many there were. And how they interfered with life. Has the fear disappeared completely? No, it is still there, just a little, 100 times less than it was.
So much should remain. Fear - as a harbinger of danger, which without fear we will not notice. Does it prevent you from living, acting, reaching new levels? No.
Exercise 10: Letting go of guilt or how to gain self-confidence, increase self-esteem and love yourself.
As Confucius said: The one who imposes on you a sense of guilt wants to command you. Feelings of guilt literally hammer self-esteem and self-confidence into the ground. Trying to gain self-confidence and self-esteem while feeling guilty is like trying to fill a sieve with water.
When you have a feeling of guilt, ropes can be twisted out of you. And the worst thing is that there will always be people who will do it. First, a person is accused of omissions, negligence, mistakes, and half of them are invented, and the rest is exaggerated. And then they allegedly do a favor and forgive, but in fact they plow on free work, obligations, etc.
Feelings of guilt are released, like resentment, only more difficult. Guilt is such a big offense at yourself. I recommend letting go of a few dozen grievances first in order to gain experience before taking on letting go of feelings of guilt. The moment when the feeling of guilt was released - you will not confuse it with anything.
This is the moment of the strongest relief, liberation, as if a heavy burden was removed from the soul. The biggest difficulty in letting go of guilt is that people really believe that they deserve it, that they themselves are to blame and should be punished.
You will be surprised, but you have no reason to feel guilty, even if you made some mistake.
And if you let go of guilt, this does not mean that you will make mistakes more often, it does not mean that you will go into all serious trouble and become without a tower. Rather, the feeling of guilt attracts mistakes and problems like a magnet.
Feel free to get rid of guilt - remember no one owes anything to anyone. Just as you don't owe anything, so do you. If you feel guilty, then you have loaded yourself with something superfluous. This kind of ego, look what a cool anti-hero I am, I was able to ruin the lives of so many people. But deep down, I'm good, so I'm tormenting myself with guilt.
You cannot be held responsible when you feel guilty. Guilt replaces responsibility. You will act extremely irresponsibly, people will be angry with you, offended, but your conscience will torment you. It's not conscience - it's irresponsibility that torments you. Do you want to be responsible? Let go of guilt towards others.
Exercise 11: Self-deceptions and delusions. Self-hypnosis of negativity or who are you really trying to deceive?
I remember how in the very beginning, when I was just starting to work on my self-esteem and self-confidence, my teacher carefully caught me in self-deception. For me it was like a bolt from the blue. "How? Am I fooling myself? It can't be like that."
In the future, of course, many self-deceptions were revealed and released. Each time it brought incredible relief and gave a drop of self-respect and strength. If you think that you are not deceiving yourself, then this is your first self-deception! Nothing human is alien to you. Actually, like any other people.
You don't have to blame yourself for it. We are all like that, to one degree or another. Such are people, and you are the same - also, first of all - a person. Think about situations in which you have deceived yourself. Think about why this happened? Write down in your diary the reasons for self-deception in more detail. Don't be afraid to tell yourself the truth.
Remember or find in the situation the moment when you made the Choice in favor of self-deception. Mentally replay the situation. Imagine that you acted differently - as you should have. And set yourself the mood that next time in a new situation you will act differently - without self-deception.
Your environment pulls you in. If they are higher than you, they will pull you up. If it is lower than you, then they will accordingly be pulled down, and your confidence and self-esteem will fall. You can also choose a circle of like-minded people - those people who strive for more and really work on themselves - you will also grow with such people.
There is a category of people from whom you need to run away - it is impossible to help them. You will not have enough strength, health, or life to help them get out of the pit into which they stubbornly plunge themselves. This is not bad. This does not characterize you as bad. Save yourself and thousands around you will be saved. If you try to save someone around you, you will not save anyone, including yourself.
I am not saying not to help others. You can help if they help themselves. What if they drown themselves? Wouldn't it turn out that the drowning man would drag the rescuer along with him, i.e. You? There are some things life has to explain. And if people harm themselves so much, then only life can make them change their attitude towards themselves in order to start digging out of the hole.
There is nothing shameful in choosing the right social circle for yourself, refusing to communicate with those who drown themselves and drown others. Who will you hang out with...
Exercise 13: A mess in the head leads to low self-esteem and interferes with the development of self-confidence.
There is such a law of nature - what is outside, so is inside. (maybe someday I will describe all the laws of nature in interpersonal relationships in a separate article.) If a person has a mess around, then there is also a mess in his head. Excuse me. Living in a mess is hard. And by the way, putting and maintaining order around you leads to order in your head.
I know people who have a complete mess everywhere: at the desk, garbage in the car, dislike for cleaning the house. And, "oddly enough", in personal relationships, in business relationships, in friendships, with children and even with parents - also a complete mess. Without translucent. It's a pity for children - they can follow in the footsteps of a parent.
Well, I understand that unwritten rules must be broken if you want to achieve something. Serious projects cannot be realized in a perfectly ordered office. Working for the result implies some mess. And I'm not going to dispute it. But only a working mess, as a result of a working or creative process. But not household mess, as a consequence of the mess in the head.
I urge you to fight against the domestic mess.
We worked - remove the excess, put things in order as much as possible. Similarly, at home - put things in order in the rooms, in the cabinets where your things are stored, in personal documents, in your car, in the tools of men or in cosmetics for women, in the kitchen among dishes and utensils.
Don't stress if you need help - find and watch a few video tutorials, there are a lot of them now. Buy accessories for this: different hangers, drawers, folders, shelves are now full of them for all occasions - everything you need to restore at least some order.
Start striving for order. It can be difficult at first, then it will be natural. Learn to put the used item back immediately after use. This will take 3 seconds maximum. Take off your clothes - put them in your place straightaway or in a laundry basket. No need to accumulate it on chairs in order to collect everything later.
Put things in order in your apartment, in closets, on your desk, in things. Throw out the junk.
When you use a tool or accessory, put it right away. Used dishes - put immediately in the dishwasher - do not put them in the sink first, because it is faster for a second, so that later you can put everything separately in the dishwasher. By adhering to this rule, you will have order, cleanliness and you will be able to do much more. A lot more.
And I guarantee you that you will respect yourself more, find yourself, become more confident, self-esteem will increase - after you put things in order around you and when you strive for order. You will gain inner strength. Self-respect is the foundation of self-esteem and confidence.
Exercise 14: Comparing yourself to others or how self-doubt and low self-esteem are developed.
Probably one of the most damaging habits for self-esteem and self-confidence is comparing yourself to others. This habit feeds and concretes your self-doubt and low self-esteem. One way or another, everyone has this habit. Some have more, some have less.
If you take a closer look at this habit, you will notice features. Usually the comparison takes place selectively, with those who are more advanced, with those who are more successful, who are at a higher level, and without noticing the shortcomings of the object of comparison. In themselves, on the contrary, flaws are looked out under a microscope when compared.
If the object of comparison is not cool enough, then consciousness quickly finds another, more advanced object for comparison. It turns out a priori without a winning option, lowering self-esteem and self-confidence lower and lower than the plinth. This unconscious self-torture, framed in a "sweet" BDSM habit.
Naturally, such a comparison discourages, demotivates, prevents you from acting, improving your life, and can drive you into hopelessness, depression. To realize and get rid of such a habit - take a diary and for a while observe how you compare yourself with someone.
- How do you choose an object for comparison?
- How do you choose what to compare with what?
- What details do you pay attention to?
- What advantages do you not see?
- What flaws do you see in others?
You need to notice, realize in habit - everything that is described above. After you have painted the details, try to do exactly the opposite: look for your own advantages, and the object of comparison for shortcomings. You'd be surprised how much of both.
Tell yourself honestly - what are you better than, with whom you compare yourself?
I am almost sure that you will find virtues in yourself, qualities that you have underestimated in yourself until now. Keep looking for your virtues and write in your diary. Do this every time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone.
Having done this exercise several times, first in writing, then it will be enough orally - you will begin to notice more advantages in yourself, while others have more shortcomings and, in principle, you will get tired of comparing yourself with someone, this is an empty thing. You will just know that you are okay. You will succeed.
form an internal ban on the use of their strengths, qualities and advantages. Over time, you stop noticing them at all. You need to bring this quality back - to notice what you are superior to others. With practice, your mindset will change and the skill will develop.
You must learn to notice the weaknesses of your competitors.
Your mind and thinking must be sharpened to identify them. And develop this skill to the smallest detail. And somewhere in the background in the subconscious, your powers of observation should constantly work to identify your advantages over others.
I am sure that you have incredibly many advantages, you just do not notice them and forbid yourself to use them. And it has become a deep subconscious habit. Start changing your mindset. Find your strengths and other people's weaknesses. Allow yourself to use it for business, in order to win this competition.
Compare yourself today with yourself yesterday. This is necessary for a guide, so that you can see that you are growing, that you are advancing. Do something every day to be better than yesterday. And with these small steps you will gradually, but ironically increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. You will be surprised how fast you will move forward and up.
Exercise 15: Excessive modesty, shyness, honesty, truthfulness - or how they hide in themselves.
Many people overestimate modesty. Modesty is considered too strongly, as a benefactor, almost in the last instance. But in the current world, it is impossible to succeed with excessive modesty.
I want to warn you right away - I do not call for abandoning modesty in general. There is some benefit to it. But too much modesty is extremely harmful in modern society. I urge to refuse only "excessive modesty". And I really hope that you are smart enough to distinguish between "modesty" and "excessive modesty", because there are huge differences between them.
Excessive modesty, i.e. when there is a lot of modesty - this is nothing more than - suppression of oneself, an internal barrier, self-deception, when a flaw hiding under modesty in the form of low self-esteem and self-doubt is presented as a virtue.
A complete lack of modesty is bad, too much modesty is also bad.
There must be some golden mean, neither more nor less. And so part of the modesty you need to let go. Well, you are your own judge and are free to choose how much modesty to leave, and how much to let go - it depends on the life you want to live.
Recall situations in which you were too modest and missed something. Write them down in a notebook, then analyze each one in detail. Find the line when modesty was too much and it began to harm. Think about how you should behave differently so that you might not be missed?
Write down in a notebook, a new model of behavior. Set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you yourself have chosen.
All of the above applies to shyness, honesty, truthfulness - there should be neither too many nor too few of them. Who speaks a lot of truth is a truth-teller. Who is too honest - holier than the "Pope".
If you tell only the truth for at least 1 day and not lie, then by the evening you can become divorced, unemployed, without friends, beaten with broken bones in intensive care. Yes, I know we are taught to be too honest from the very childhood, and then such “too honest” - they cannot get along with anyone, because of their “too honesty”.
Busting with honesty, shyness, modesty - disguised self-repression, elevated to benefactors, which they are mistakenly proud of. There should be neither too many nor too few. Do an exercise with all the situations when you were too honest and shy - find an acceptable middle ground.
Exercise 16: Criticism - how to benefit and ignore bias?
A wise man was asked:
- Who was your teacher?
It's easier to answer who they were not,
the sage replied.
Everyone needs feedback and it looks like nothing but criticism. On the other hand, criticism can be unpleasant, annoying, painful, demotivating, hurts self-esteem and lowers confidence. Criticism can be helpful or useless, or it can be revealing.
The worst and most offensive criticism is its complete absence., which means that you swim too shallow and you are of no interest to anyone. It’s better to let it be non-constructive, negative, useless - anyway, at least some benefit can be extracted from it.
It follows that any criticism you receive is of HUGE value. As your self-esteem and self-confidence increase, you will be able to take harsher criticism more easily and get more out of it.
The most dangerous criticism is only positive feedback or praise. If you are not criticized negatively, then you are too authoritarian, suppress people or they are afraid of you, so they prefer to keep quiet, away from sin. Only positive feedback means that you are being deceived, possibly robbed, and you are missing something.
Criticism comes in several forms:
Constructive criticism or feedback.
Very valuable criticism, when useful - well contributing to the correction of errors. Available to fairly advanced people who respect you. It requires incredible efforts, life experience and wisdom to say exactly on target and without transitions to personalities and emotions. It can often take time to think about a topic and give accurate advice.
If you have found a person who can give you constructive and useful criticism, feedback - hold on to him, hands, feet, teeth, money, gifts. This is the kind of criticism that is worth and must be paid for, because it pays off with interest.
Often, the majority forgets to pay for such criticism, and this is very, very stupid - such people also need to eat something, and even they are not fed for free. If you want more such criticism, which is essentially support - pay!
If the criticism is constructive and useless, biased, it means that you are being discredited by a professional. You may be facing a serious challenge. Which reveals that big interests or money are at stake. You have grown up, you have been noticed, perhaps you are biting off someone else's piece or someone wants to bite off yours.
emotional criticism.
With transitions to personality, with some displacement of discontent. The most common criticism Most people have no other way to express their thoughts. You shouldn't be angry with them. Although this is the most offensive, demotivating criticism. Develop detachment.
And it is certainly difficult to criticize without emotions for everyone - this is not taught at school, this requires a subtle mind, education, and life experience. A person who criticizes like this is touchy, full of discontent, does not quite understand what he wants to say, and he also has little experience, education, and patience.
It may be significant in this criticism that this person does not quite respect you, otherwise he would choose words. Perhaps you do not respect yourself if you allow such an attitude towards yourself.
Unconstructive criticism.
Over which you need to think, meditate in order to figure out what the critic wants to convey. It can be useful when the critic cannot express his thoughts accurately and does not fully understand what he wants to say.
Often useless: someone wanted to be clever or pursues some other interests - it is difficult to remain silent when no one asks. Learn to completely ignore useless criticism: The dog barks, the caravan moves on.
Biased criticism, accusations, insults.
Very revealing situations. When you are subjected to such criticism, you are trivially deceived, discredited or want to use. You are either not there, or have seriously crossed someone's path, you have been noticed and they are trying to eliminate you by dishonest methods. Well, or you stepped on someone's tail hard and painfully.
Oddly enough, but it can be useful. Perhaps you accidentally hooked someone to the living and the person broke through. It's pretty hard to get anything useful out of this. Rather, such criticism is indicative - in, than it is indicative - you need to figure it out yourself. If there is no benefit, feel free to ignore it 100%, as if it does not exist.
The presence of such criticism from enemies and serious competitors means a big fat plus for you. And vice versa, the presence of praise from competitors means a big fat minus - you are missing something, making mistakes or doing it wrong.
Trolls.
Mostly online. You are envied. Someone takes out their dissatisfaction on you. Perhaps you have gathered the wrong audience, they have nothing to do, they have a lot of time, little money and are too lazy to think - people are having fun, stupid, mischievous.
This is a telling criticism. Starting from some level of popularity, trolls are a must, otherwise your popularity is a myth. Completely ignore what they say, write. But watch out for the numbers - it's indicative. If there are no trolls, then you are still of little interest to anyone. Change your strategy - start doing more confident actions.
Too much negative and emotional criticism, which a person does not have time to realize and let go, can make a person neurotic by leaps and bounds, drives into apathy, depression. However, we are not taught at school or universities how to benefit from different types criticism. It's a pity.
In fact, it means that education and upbringing does not teach how to live. This can only be taught by parents if they have such skills or in training. And first of all, it is your task to independently form the skills you need for successful life. Remember - no one owes you anything, not even your parents.
Good feedback and soft constructive criticism - on the contrary, moves forward by leaps and bounds. Do not spare money for such criticism - pay, you will avoid many mistakes that will cost you ten times more.
There are people who are completely closed from criticism.
And therefore, for years, banging their heads into the same situations in which they periodically find themselves, like kicking on cow cakes. If a person is closed, then he is closed. To criticize such a person is to make an enemy. If you perceive criticism painfully, it seems to you that everyone bothers you - perhaps you are also closed to criticism. Do the exercise and begin to gradually open up.
It is vital for you to be able to be open and take advantage of criticism, and include detachment. Psychological armor "like in a tank", from incorrect criticism - let them beat their heads. Learn to distinguish one criticism from another. To do this, periodically analyze the situations and context of criticism in which you find yourself.
Recall now one situation when you were criticized. It is very revealing why it really hooked you? Do not think about what the person said - think about why it really hooked you, offended you? Very often, during painful criticism, I caught myself thinking that I myself also consider it horror and condemn myself for it.
I don’t change anything, I pretend that everything is in order - that’s why the criticism was so catchy. Think about what mistakes you actually made? What should you do differently to avoid such situations in the future?
For example, I had a conflict with an employee of the rank below.
Formally, I was right - in "everything for a common cause", but only formally. He spoke very badly about me and constantly created problems for me, the work was done terribly, they even almost got into a fight. After meditating on situations, I realized that I was behaving arrogantly, overly demanding, in relation to him.
Having removed my arrogance towards him, the situation “itself” was exhausted in 5 seconds. We began to understand each other from half a word and implemented a large number of cases together, which was almost impossible before. We both forgot about the situation and only after 1.5 years I accidentally remembered that we once had a conflict.
To some extent, every person who criticizes you is your teacher.
Exercise 17: Responsibility = control = result = confidence = self-esteem.
We live in a very, very difficult time. We were not prepared for this. Now several crises have coincided in time: structural economic crisis, cultural, civilizational, demographic, religious, informational and others. It's not that we weren't prepared for this - we were created all these difficulties, one way or another, on purpose or not on purpose - it doesn't matter.
But you are still stronger than external shocks and problems. You have been given a LOT of strength from within to cope with all the difficulties. There are still incredibly many opportunities to succeed even in this time of crisis. Raise your confidence and increase your self-esteem - you will see for yourself.
And it doesn't take much time. And in order for everything to become accessible to you, you need to take responsibility for your life, for the position in which you are.
You need to firmly tell yourself that you are the only one responsible for the troubles and victories that happened to you. Neither victory nor achievement was an accident. Your current position is the result of decisions you made earlier, or inaction, the result of your earlier choices. Only in some cases it led to victories, and in others to mistakes.
If you are not involved in your mistakes, then you are not involved in your victories either.
By accepting your involvement in your mistakes, you thereby unlock your inner strength. If you made a mistake, then it was you who also made the victory, and not someone or something. And this is not an accident. And, therefore, if you could win then, then you can win now and in the future!
Just keep in mind - DO NOT beat yourself up, condemn yourself for mistakes. One must accept oneself, although it can be difficult - otherwise it is not acceptance, but rejection of oneself. Acceptance is when you accepted a mistake, do not condemn yourself for it, you are not ashamed to say to yourself - yes, I made a mistake, I am, first of all, a person.
By accepting responsibility for what is happening to you, you can change. As Karen Horney, a world-famous psychologist, said: External problems are nothing if you are strong from the inside.
Take responsibility for what is happening - start doing these exercises, and your life is guaranteed to begin to improve by leaps and bounds.
Did I do all these exercises myself?
Yes, I have done them dozens of times, each. And I know many such people. And by the way, not only these - I did many times more exercises. I have painted for you only the most necessary and effective. Their lives have changed drastically.
And the period of my life, my youth, which should be the most beautiful part of life, is now remembered as a nightmare - because of all these stupid and petty mistakes. Like a headbutt against a wall. Like a lot of mistakes, a lot of noise, disappointments and few results.
With each exercise performed, life became better and better. I keep doing them - life keeps getting better. And oh, how nice! And I am sure that you can significantly improve your life with the help of these exercises! And is there anything more important than that?
Performing such an exercise means to truly appreciate yourself and your life. It means self-respect, self-care. Getting rid of these petty troubles means loving yourself, finding yourself, returning yourself - squeezing a slave out of yourself drop by drop. The unwillingness to change, to take care of your health is indicative: subconsciously (unconsciously) you do not value yourself and your life.
A person who does not do such exercises is simply deceiving himself. I hope this is clear to you. I hope it is clear to you that a nightmare life and old age awaits you if you leave all these small bad habits?
How to perform these exercises quickly and accelerate your progress? Self-confidence training.
Now it is not enough to practice the right exercises. Life is changing too fast, getting more complicated. People are overloaded with work, household chores, and there is little time left for practice, as well as strength. It is vital to achieve quick results.
1. An environment that motivates change or practice in the company of like-minded people.
“It’s bad for a person when he is alone.
Woe to one, one is not a warrior"
V. Mayakovsky.
Internal changes are easier and faster when you are in the right environment set up for the same changes as you. In such places, a chain reaction occurs when group members help and stimulate each other.
While your current environment will demotivate, discredit what you do. On the other hand, it is very difficult to admit to someone that you are working on self-esteem - only very strong people able to understand what you mean and appreciate.
95% of people do not learn and do not want to change. I don't know how they will survive in 5-10 years and I think that the most serious problems await them. Look for like-minded people and an environment in which you can open up, and which will pull you towards changes and finding yourself.
One of options joint practice and self-improvement - my "Inner Circle" - of the participants in my self-confidence trainings.
2. Meditations: Engine and fuel to move forward.
Any change needs energy. And where to get it, when all the forces go to work and life? Answer: meditation to accumulate energy. Yes, it is with meditation that the speed of changing oneself increases tenfold and the practice turns into an easy pleasant process.
Thanks to meditation, you can learn to let go of some grievances, feelings of guilt in just a few seconds, according to the principle of remembering and letting go.
Teaching meditation through an article is like learning to swim while sitting in the office. At the initial stage, meditation is practiced with a leader, and then independently.
Having mastered meditation once, you can then use it for the rest of your life. Meditation you can master at the training "Doubling self-confidence in 5 sessions"
3. Intensive start with self-confidence training.
I hope you enjoyed this article and exercises, and you received an exhaustive, understandable, constructive answer to the question: how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence?
- Do you agree that by applying at least half - your self-confidence will increase significantly?
- Do you agree that by practicing these exercises on a regular basis for another year, your self-confidence will increase significantly? Namely, 2 - 3 - 10 or more times?
- Do you agree that by doing at least part of the exercise, your life will improve significantly? Will you be less nervous, tired, make mistakes?
The only thing left is to start doing these exercises and get the result. The bad news is that by postponing it now for later, you will return back to your reality and forget in 1-2 days not only about the exercises described above, but also about the article in general.
You and your life will remain without the changes you desire. Perhaps you will not be able to achieve your goals and dreams - because you did not have enough self-confidence. In order to change something - you need to act!
And the best time to act is now. In six months or a year, you will greatly regret that you did not start doing the exercises today. Follow the link and register for the training.
This training is the best way to start improving your life. Register now and see you at the training!
Change, i.e. Only active actions - doing exercises - can improve your life. Do the exercises regularly - and then the result is guaranteed to come to you, you won't even notice it. Follow the link above, register for the training and start practicing today!
PS2
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A fluttering gait, a proudly raised head, a chiseled posture, eyes that radiate confidence and charisma: these qualities are inherent in women who have been able to become self-confident and increase their self-esteem.
To become a successful person, to have many fans and friends, it is important to work on yourself, constantly strive for the best. And for this it is necessary to cultivate in oneself the qualities of absolute confidence and firm convictions.
What influences self-esteem in a woman's life?
According to psychologists, problems with self-esteem can affect all areas of a woman's life:
- success in the professional field;
- communication with friends, colleagues and relatives;
- well-being of family life;
- physical and psychological health.
How to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem? Psychological advice will help
Statistics show that the fair sex is more prone to low self-esteem than men. The interesting thing is that almost every woman knows if she has problems in this matter or not.
Test to determine the level of attitude towards yourself
Psychological tests help pinpoint whether a person has self-esteem issues.
If it turns out that self-esteem is underestimated, then it is necessary to carry out work to improve the personality.
The test below will give an accurate definition of the level of attitude towards yourself. You must honestly answer all questions and immediately count the points scored. At the end of the test, all scores are added up. The resulting figure will show what level the survey participant belongs to.
Test: Determination of the level of self-esteem
Do you often think that you shouldn't have done or said something?
- Yes, often - 1 point;
- No, not often - 3 points.
When communicating with a witty and excellent interlocutor, you:
- Do everything to surpass him in wit - 5 points;
- You do not want to participate in such a competition, thereby showing the superiority of the interlocutor -1 point.
Which opinion suits you best?
- No luck, anything can be achieved only by hard work - 5 points;
- Success comes only by a happy coincidence - 1 point;
- In difficult situations, luck and perseverance will not help. Real help comes from a person who can comfort and encourage - 3 points.
How will you feel when you see your funny caricature?
- Laugh heartily, paying attention to the good resemblance - 3 points;
- You will be upset, but don’t give a look - 1 point;
- Start joking with the interlocutor in response - 4 points.
Do you often do work alone that should be done by several people?
- Yes - 1 point;
- No - 5 points;
- I don't know 3 points.
What perfume will you choose as a gift for a friend?
- Those that you like - 5 points;
- Those that you do not like, but, in your opinion, your friend will like - 3 points;
- Those who have recently seen in the commercial - 1 point.
Do you often imagine situations in which you behave in a way that you would never behave in real life?
- Yes - 1 point;
- No - 5 points;
- I don't know 3 points.
Your young work colleague has achieved best results in service than you. Will it upset you?
- Yes - 1 point;
- No - 5 points;
- Not very - 3 points.
Do you find pleasure in arguing with someone?
- Yes - 5 points;
- No - 1 point;
- I don't know - points.
Close your eyes and try to imagine any of the colors. You submitted:
- Blue, blue, white - 1 point;
- Green, yellow - 3 points;
- Black, red - 5 points.
How to read test results
- If the score is between 38 and 50 then your self-esteem is too high. You are a confident and satisfied person. Both in social circles and in Everyday life often emphasize your "I", put your personal opinion above others and try to dominate your interlocutors. Criticism of others is your usual thing, but you don't care what they think of you. "I don't love others, but I love myself." The closer your number is to 50, the more this phrase fits you. Inflated self-esteem prevents you from accepting criticism.
- If the score is between 24 and 37, then your self-esteem is adequate. You completely trust yourself, and your life is filled with agreement with yourself. You can always find a way out of difficult situations. You are usually satisfied with yourself and the people around you. You can always be a support for your loved ones and colleagues.
- If the score is between 10 and 23 your self-esteem is low. You are not at all happy with yourself. Your intellect, appearance, achievements, abilities, age and even gender provoke dissatisfaction and doubts in you. It is difficult for you to succeed at work and the opinions of others seriously affect your life.
Any woman, having understood that she belongs to the third group, must do everything to become self-confident. To improve self-esteem, you need to understand the reasons that led to this.
Causes of low self-esteem and how to eliminate them
There are many reasons that will lead to a decrease in self-esteem. Among the most common are the following:
- improper upbringing in childhood;
- frequent failures in childhood;
- no specific goals in life;
- unhealthy surrounding society;
- various diseases and defects of appearance.
It is necessary to analyze each cause in more detail in order to find a way to eliminate it. Only by getting rid of them, you can come to the result.
Improper upbringing in the family
The bulk of psychological defects originate in early childhood. Poor self-esteem is no exception. Unnecessarily high demands of parents, reproaches, criticism, lack of affection and praise lead to it. If a child gets used to such an attitude, then in the future he will already behave as if he deserved it.
Frequent failures in childhood
If parents do not support their child, in case of his failures, then their child's attitude towards themselves will only worsen. The excessive demands of the father and mother usually lead to the fact that the child begins to evaluate himself according to adult criteria. This leads to loss of self-satisfaction and self-disappointment.
A significant role in this issue is played by the attitude of peers, who tend to make outcasts out of losers. This contributes to the loss of self-confidence and negatively affects self-esteem.
Lack of goals in life
In the absence of clear and realistic goals, both a child and an adult can become a person with a negative attitude towards themselves. If a person ceases to set himself tasks, his life loses colors. These people usually do not want to pay attention to their appearance, do not want to change something, stop dreaming, and as a result, the level of self-esteem decreases.
Unhealthy social environment
The social circle plays a significant role in the formation of self-esteem, both in adults and in children. A healthy attitude towards oneself is formed where there is a good example to follow. But if you have uninitiated friends who constantly complain about life, criticize others and do not want to change anything in their lives, self-esteem will only worsen.
In such cases, it is necessary to radically change the circle of communication and get closer to people who strive for success, try to make their dreams come true, know how to overcome difficulties and constantly improve themselves.
Defects in appearance and health
In the case of defects in appearance and with certain health problems, many children develop poor self-esteem. Such a child usually feels different from others. Often the situation is aggravated by the ruthless ridicule and bullying of peers.
In such cases, improving self-esteem will help eliminate these shortcomings. If this is not possible, it is necessary to develop qualities in yourself that will help you become self-confident, more developed and attractive to others.
Techniques to increase self-esteem and self-confidence
The following are methods that will help every woman become more confident and increase her self-esteem. This work can take only a few months - this is the assertion of psychologists. The main thing is to have the desire and desire for results.
Yes, a woman needs confidence that she deserves the best - self-respect, love and respect from others, personal growth, life success. It is important to develop this confidence in yourself, and there are proven methods for this. Take action!
Stop criticizing yourself
There are no perfect people, and you are no exception. But you can’t constantly criticize yourself for your shortcomings. Self-criticism is a useful quality, but within reasonable limits.
To overcome a negative attitude towards yourself, psychologists advise you to make a detailed list of your strengths and periodically re-read it. Stop criticizing yourself, learn to praise yourself. A self-confident person is distinguished not by the absence of shortcomings, but by the ability to ignore them.
Learn to accept praise
The ability to accept praise is an essential quality of a confident woman. Excessive modesty is just as harmful as its lack. A compliment received with dignity and gratitude is pleasing to both parties.
stop making excuses
There will definitely be someone who doesn't like something in your life. There are two possible scenarios here. If you're wrong—for example, your boss is unhappy with a poor-quality project—don't look for excuses. Admit and correct the mistake. The ability to admit one's wrong is a sign strong man able to take responsibility for their actions.
But you don't have to try to please everyone around you. For example, if someone doesn't like the way you dress, you don't have to make excuses. It's your life and it's up to you to decide whose opinion matters to you.
Learn to ask for help
The ability to ask for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. A weak person does not ask for help because of fear of rejection, fear of being in debt, false shame and other fears. A self-confident woman is not afraid to ask, calmly endures the refusal and thanks for the help with a sincere smile.
Start small - ask to hold the door, bring a heavy bag, explain some nuance. Even if you hear "no", this is not a disaster, but a new experience that will make you stronger. Feel free to ask for help. And help yourself.
Bring your business to an end
You cannot succeed if you give up after the first difficulties. Unfinished business and unrealized plans significantly reduce self-esteem. Successfully overcoming difficulties is a great way to increase it.
A few rules to help you with this:
- consider motivation. Morning exercises - a slender figure, a completed project - a bonus received, etc.;
- don't try to do everything at once. For example, learn a new language for 20 minutes, but every day. The main thing is to start taking action;
- find like-minded people. Or an example to follow;
- Don't forget to praise yourself - even for small successes.
Learn to love your body
In modern society, appearance plays a significant role. But you don't have to have a perfect body to be successful in life. There are plenty of successful examples on the internet. charismatic people whose appearance is far from perfect.
Accept and love yourself - you are unique. The state of harmony will give you confidence - and this will certainly affect the attitude of others.
Lead a healthy lifestyle, exercise
healthy image life and regular physical activity are essential for a woman who decides how to become self-confident and increase self-esteem. It has been scientifically proven that physical activity stimulates the production of dopamine - the “hormone of joy”. A healthy lifestyle and sports improve the quality of life, improve health, improve appearance, and positively affect the state of the nervous system.
Take care of your appearance
A self-confident woman is distinguished by grooming. She loves herself and takes care of herself. Going to a beauty salon is a great remedy for depression. Get an elegant haircut, update your wardrobe. Consider it an investment in your successful future.
Hang out with optimists and successful people
If there are people in your environment who live by inertia, then they will ridicule all your ambitions. Limit such contacts to a minimum.
Look for successful, active and inspired people, like-minded people. Where? In the gym, at exhibitions, seminars, trainings, online. Purposeful, confident, strong people will serve as an excellent motivation for personal growth.
Learn to get out of your "comfort zone"
The "comfort zone" is a place not so much comfortable as familiar. For example, the usual nightly watching TV shows on the couch. In the "comfort zone" it is stuffy and cramped, but familiar and safe.
Break the comfortable stereotype. Start small - return home on an unusual path. Instead of lying on the couch, go to the pool, go to the theater, sign up for courses. New sensations, knowledge, acquaintances are a powerful incentive for the formation of self-confidence.
Read positive literature
Once you decide to make your life more positive, shield it from negative experiences whenever possible. Do not read news full of negativity. Yes, and serious, but too realistic literature should be avoided.
Now it is quite possible to treat yourself to “fairy tales for adults” - novels with a good ending, humorous detective stories, etc. It will be very useful to read specialized literature on the education of self-esteem.
Find your dream job
Changing jobs is a very serious step, which can be decided only after preparation. First, give yourself a break - say, a week of vacation. And only by dropping the accumulated negativity, you can make a decision. Maybe you like the work, but not a very close-knit team? Or did you not get along with your superiors? Then submit your resume and look for the same vacancy, but in different conditions.
And if you realize that you are doing something wrong? Again, don't rush. Decide what you like and get started. Attend courses, study literature, meet specialists. And life will definitely give you a chance.
live desires
Do you want to fly on a hang glider? Look for information, experts - and it is quite possible to spend your next vacation in the sky.
Don't be jealous of other people's success
You should not compare your life with someone else's. Glossy life so easy to watch in in social networks, may turn out to be a beautiful package that hides a pile of problems. Someone else's success should not frighten or cause envy, but inspire and teach. Do not compare yourself with someone else, compare yourself - yesterday and today.
discard laziness
Water does not flow under a lying stone - this saying is still relevant today. A confident woman will not let laziness ruin her life. If you want to achieve something - act. There are many ways to deal with laziness: break things down into parts, accompany work with music, come up with rewards, and so on. Choose your way and implement it.
To understand how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem, you should take the help professional psychologists. Special techniques, trainings, and exercises have been developed to solve these problems.
Use your positive qualities
Make a list of your positive qualities and analyze them. Realize how much potential you have. Consider how you can use these qualities in your daily life. Work on their development.
listen to affirmations
Affirmations are a brief statement of your desires as a fact that has come true. This is an effective form of self-hypnosis, subconscious programming, carried out by concentrated repeated repetition of verbal phrases.
Affirmations should be formulated very carefully, laying in them the quintessence of your desires, so that their repetition forms the desired setting.
You can repeat them or listen to the recording. Examples of wording: “I am self-confident”, “I love and I am loved”, “I am talented and successful”.
Diary of successes and achievements
A diary is an effective tool. Every day you need to record all your achievements, regardless of their scale. Keeping such records and their subsequent analysis is a good incentive for a woman, helping to become self-confident and increase self-esteem.
Practical exercises
Meditation
You should meditate in a calm environment, without external stimuli. Get into a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths in and out to focus. Now, with each exhalation, get rid of negative impressions.
Visualize negativity and imagine how it dissolves, giving way to calmness and optimism. Having tuned in a positive way, imagine yourself the way you would like to see. Take your time, carefully draw the image.
Movement, intonation, facial expressions, posture - work out every detail. Try to convey love and support to the created image.
This exercise takes 10-15 minutes. You can do it in the morning or in the evening, without haste. Regular meditation will gradually fix this ideal in the mind, transferring its features to the real image.
Autotraining
Auto-training can be effectively used to calm down in stressful situation, tune in to solving a difficult task, gain self-confidence. For this, the appropriate affirmations are spoken aloud or to oneself.
For maximum efficiency, auto-training is best done in a calm environment, completely relaxed, saying affirmations aloud for 10-15 minutes. But this technique can also help in the workplace: even in crowded places, you can calm down by simply closing your eyes and repeating affirmations to yourself several times.
Psychological trainings
They are aimed at adapting to society, or rather, at developing immunity to public opinion. Of course, the opinions of others must be taken into account, but it should not completely subordinate your personality.
For this, it is necessary inner strength self-confidence, self-worth. Here are three easy workouts:
- Learn not to be afraid of the public and even manage it. And for this, do not hesitate to speak in front of a large audience. Use all the possibilities: a song with a guitar by the fire, a joke in the company, a report at work, a product presentation to customers. Gradually, you will get rid of complexes, feel confident, learn to own the audience - an excellent quality for career growth.
- "Double". This is where imagination is needed. If you don’t feel comfortable in public and you can’t overcome this complex, imagine yourself in the role of your favorite “star”, for whom communication is an everyday reality. Carry yourself with the same effortless freedom. Maybe not right away, but it will work. And over time, a double will not be needed.
- Confidence no matter what. This training requires props. Add a ridiculous detail to your look (old-fashioned glasses, curlers, a defiant jacket) and go outside. Go shopping, socialize, walk around with a completely unflappable air. This is a powerful tool, so start with small details.
10 books that will tell you how to raise self-esteem
Books can tell you how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem.
- Louise Hay "Heal Your Life";
- Larisa Parfentyeva "100 ways to change your life";
- Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
- Dale Carnegie How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
- Dale Carnegie How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public;
- Vladimir Levy "The Art of Being Yourself";
- Sergey Mamontov "Believe in yourself. Self-confidence training";
- Helen Andelin "The Charm of Femininity";
- Rafael Santandreu "How not to turn your life into a nightmare";
- Sharon Wegshida-Kroes “How much are you worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself.
Movies for motivation and self-confidence
Cinematography has addressed the theme of a strong woman more than once.
- The Devil Wears Prada, USA 2006;
- "Eat, Pray, Love", USA 2010;
- "Another Boleyn Girl", UK 2008;
- "The Barber of Siberia", Russia, Italy 1998;
- "Moscow does not believe in tears", USSR 1979.
How to become confident in communicating with a man?
A confident woman attracts men. She knows how to communicate without being afraid to express her point of view, which makes her an interesting conversationalist. Like all strong people, she knows how to give in, not considering it a sign of weakness. She knows how to emphasize her strengths, and leaves her weaknesses in the shade. She knows how, if necessary, to insist on her own, but at the same time she will be able not to offend her partner.
A confident woman always knows her worth. She will not tolerate the unacceptable behavior of a man, and will be able to say this delicately, but firmly. She will not grumble about anything, but will clearly articulate her dissatisfaction, remaining polite. Even in a difficult situation, she will be able to remain calm.
Perhaps not everything works out as planned. Do not despair, Develop confidence in your abilities, and everything will definitely work out!
How to gain confidence after a breakup or divorce?
This is a difficult period even for strong women. To survive it with the least loss will help:
- close people. It is desirable that during this period they are nearby, able to listen and support;
- hobby. It will help you relax;
- new impressions. Walk, go to exhibitions, to the cinema - new impressions will gradually replace the bitterness of the past;
- travels. It's great if it's possible. The sharper the change of scenery, the better.
Parting with a man is not a reason for disappointment in yourself. Your life goes on.
How to become a confident mom?
The birth of a child changes life drastically and forever. What can be advised:
- do not lose calm and confidence, despite the lack of experience. You will quickly learn how to care for a baby, your experience will grow with the child, and soon you will be able to give advice yourself;
- gratefully accept the advice and help of the older generation, but the final word in the process of education remains with you;
- don't forget about yourself. Involve your husband and other close people and find time for yourself - go to the hairdresser, take a bath, get enough sleep;
- value communication with the child. Rejoice in his smiles, first teeth and steps, and discover this wonderful world with him.
The life of a modern woman is varied and rich. To become self-confident and succeed, it is enough to believe in yourself, in your strengths, and start acting.
The successes achieved will increase your self-esteem, strengthen your confidence in own forces- and inspire new achievements. After all, you really deserve it!
Video on how to change life for the better, become more confident and successful
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